My heart is in a land I have never been, with people I have never met, hurting for the stories that I will never hear, the stories that will never be.

Please watch:
Tears of the Sun
The Invisible Children
Hotel Rwanda

Please visit:
http://www.savedarfur.org/content?splash=yes
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/home.php

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

Reading List

(will be continuously updated)

Carr-Gregg, Michael. "For kids, net result is gross." Herald Sun. 8 Nov. 2007. 24 Oct. 2008. http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22719787-5000117,00.html

"Child and Adolescent Health."The National Institute of Health. 3 Apr. 2008. 24 Oct. 2008. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/child-and-adolescent-mental-health/index.shtml

Geller, Barbara. Personal Interview. Jan. 2004 29 Oct. 2008. http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness&template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=13107.

Harder, Arlene F. "The Developmental Stages of Erik Erikson." TheLearningPlace.com. 2002. 29 Oct. 2008. http://www.learningplaceonline.com/stages/organize/Erikson.htm.

Harlow, Harry F. "Nature of Love." American Psychologist 13 (1958): 673-685.

Kohlberg, Lawrence. "The Development of Children's Orientation Toward a Moral Order." Human Development 51 (2008): 8-20.

Schoenstadt, Arthur. "What is Autism?" Medtv. 30 June 2008. 29 Oct. 2008. http://autism.emedtv.com/autism/autism.html.

Van Wagner, Kendra. "An Overview of the Attachment Theory." About.com: Psychology. 26 Oct. 2008. http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/attachment01.htm.

once again

I screwed everything up, and for that I am terribly sorry. I thank you for giving me a chance to prove myself. My crimes are heinous and my soul feels like rock. Why is it I can never change things on my own? I make small things turn into terribly large things that I can't deal with. My struggles are brought to light, and strict reinforcements assure you and I that I won't screw up again. Then and only then do I ever learn. I have such high aspirations, but such low motivation, such low discipline. You frighten me with your expectations, for you know I have high aspirations and you have them for me, only you expect discipline whereas I tend to shirk it off. I am like a little child, the one who is told not to touch the electric stove or the light bulb. "You'll hurt yourself," they say and I know that I'll hurt myself. Why shouldn't I trust this person when they have given me no reason not to? And yet, I continue to extend my arm, stretch my hand, all quite cleverly without sound, and suddenly I am burned! "Ouch!" I proclaim and they look at me with disappointment and concern so fierce they burns your insides. "Didn't we tell you not to touch it?" In actuality I am worse than the little child, because in the child's case it has learned its lesson don't touch it ever again. I, on the other hand, continue to touch it, always knowing what will happen, always told what will happen, and yet always surprised by what does happen, saddened and ashamed by their reactions, and strangely compelled to do it once again. I am so for my stupidity and immaturity, thank you for this one last chance.

The Basics

1. My favorite colors are burnt orange, torquoise, teal, green, and yellow.

2. My favorite food is Mexican food, I love spicy food so much!!

3. I love the sound of my Mimi's (grandmother) bike. It's old and rattles beautifully. I love to ride it especially when it is a breazy overcast day.

4. I talk to myself out loud. A lot.

5. I love antiques and everything old. "Antiques are tangible stories."

"I love old things. They make me feel sad." "What's good about sad?" "It's happy for deep people."

6. My favorite smells are fresh picked tomatoes and pipe tobacco.
My little sister grows tomatoes and I just love the clean, earthy smell of them right after being picked.
There is a little old man who lives in my neighborhood. His wife doesn't allow him to smoke his pipe inside, so he stands in his driveway, puffing away. I love the smell emitted from his pipe.

7. Everything I do is a choice made by myself. It was not pre-ordained, it was of my own free will.

8. Noho feels like home. But so does Gallway, Lynchburg, Orlando, and Estes Park.

9. Most of the time the feelings I have make sense only to myself.

10. I tend to be skeptical and pessimistic. But also tend to be pretty happy anyway.

11. I love music of all kinds. My favorites are Coldplay, Bob Dylan, The Arcade Fire, Imogen Heap, Jon Foreman, Relient K, Snow Patrol, A Fine Frenzy, Vicky Beeching, and Norah Jones.

12. I love bead jewelry. I am not a fan of diamonds and other such gems.

13. My favorite stationary past times are reading and listening to music.

14. My favorite athletic past times are riding bikes, fencing, and rock climbing.

15. I am open minded to the extent that I will listen to what you have to say, I will respect your opinions, but do not think you will sway me with just words. I am stubborn.

16. I like to people watch. To sit and make a story out of their movements and appearances.

17. Abnormal and developmental psychology fascinates me.

18. Sometimes I feel I'm too old for my body.

19. There is always a meaning behind everything said, and everything written, and everything sung. No word is produced for no reason at all.

20. I think and dream too much. I'm rather slow at actually getting started.

I will add more to this list as time goes on. More thoughts and more facts about me.

the little room

There will be a house with no walls other than the four enclosing our domain. Within this room, this solitary room, there would be a mattress for sleeping on, a stove for cooking on, and chair for reading in, and a tub for bathing in. It will be cramped, it has to be cramped. I will be allowed one wall to place pictures, articles, ribbons, and the like upon. You will also have a wall. I will not interfere with how you decorate your wall as long as you do not voice any criticizing opinion of my wall. We shall each choose a color for our wall. I shall choose red, it is my favorite. I'm sorry you do not like it. I know you will choose blue, you wear that color often. I detest the color blue. These walls are us, well before we got together that is. The third wall, the one facing the wall with the single door, will be purple. It is our door together. We can carry parts of our individual walls over to it. Things we dearly seek to share with each other. Perhaps you will not like everything I like, for I am sure I will not like everything you like. The wall with no door will have no color, no items on it. It is only an exit. We will share everything, the bed, the stove, the chair, the tub, and that one wall. Perhaps one day you will get bored of sharing everything, perhaps I will. There is always the possibility that you will tire of seeing the things of mine I offer to you, but you do not want. There is a possibility I shall tire as well. If we ever decide we no longer want to share we will have our own walls to turn to. Perhaps we will get lonely there, wanting to share, but still not wanting everything the other person has to offer. Then we could turn to the fourth wall, the exit. You may turn, you are a free person after all. I may turn, I am just as free as you. But there is nothing on that wall, just an exit. What if we miss each other outside this cramped little room? What if we realize purple really is our favorite color? We just didn't realize it before. Because we know not what is outside the fourth wall, we know not whether or not the door will lock itself to us after we exit.