once again

I screwed everything up, and for that I am terribly sorry. I thank you for giving me a chance to prove myself. My crimes are heinous and my soul feels like rock. Why is it I can never change things on my own? I make small things turn into terribly large things that I can't deal with. My struggles are brought to light, and strict reinforcements assure you and I that I won't screw up again. Then and only then do I ever learn. I have such high aspirations, but such low motivation, such low discipline. You frighten me with your expectations, for you know I have high aspirations and you have them for me, only you expect discipline whereas I tend to shirk it off. I am like a little child, the one who is told not to touch the electric stove or the light bulb. "You'll hurt yourself," they say and I know that I'll hurt myself. Why shouldn't I trust this person when they have given me no reason not to? And yet, I continue to extend my arm, stretch my hand, all quite cleverly without sound, and suddenly I am burned! "Ouch!" I proclaim and they look at me with disappointment and concern so fierce they burns your insides. "Didn't we tell you not to touch it?" In actuality I am worse than the little child, because in the child's case it has learned its lesson don't touch it ever again. I, on the other hand, continue to touch it, always knowing what will happen, always told what will happen, and yet always surprised by what does happen, saddened and ashamed by their reactions, and strangely compelled to do it once again. I am so for my stupidity and immaturity, thank you for this one last chance.