I'll Stay True to My Aims

I sit quietly with my right leg crossed over my left, forgetting about my campaign against varicose veins. There has been a pause in the conversation, and it is rather uncomfortable. "There you go again! Why can't you enjoy simple conversation? You were discussing school, can't you discuss the ordinary things, like uniforms, lunch meals, bad teachers, good teachers, anything other than religion," I thought exasperatedly to myself.

You see I was hanging out with a friend, it was very early in our friendship so it was slightly awkward. We were watching The Hills. I was a little bored, I don't really find pleasure in watching young celebrities wasting their lives. I tried to make conversation, but wasn't really sure what she would want to talk about, so I chose school. There had to be something to say about school. Everyone has an opinion on that subject, be it a good one or a bad one.

We discussed which classes we were taking, and she mentioned the fact that she was taking a religion class. I started asking questions, such as which religions she was studying at the moment. "Christianity," she replied. "We are actually talking about reformed thought and non-reformed thought." I asked what her opinions were on the subject, and she told me she hadn't given much thought to it until this class so she wasn't sure. Well, I was sure. I always have been, so of course I started telling her my opinion, asking her if she agreed, trying to engage her in what I thought was a incredibly interesting discussion. She was rather hesitant, and I noticed she grew ever more uncomfortable, so I eased out of the conversation and started watching L. C. break up with yet another unfortunate (or could he be fortunate?) guy on the tv.

When I got home thoughts came rushing into my head, "Why do you have to be so weird?! What normal fifteen year old wants to talk about predestination? Well, good job, she probably won't ever want to hang out with you again."All my life I have found no greater pleasure than in the discussion different ideas about, religion, literature, science, history, politics, etc. It all fascinates me so very much, don't get me wrong I like pop culture and can sit for hours talking about a new tv show, movie, music, clothes or some fad, but often times I would rather sit and talk about what some call the more serious subjects of life. I've noticed though that many of the people I know my age, tend to enjoy pop culture more, and it has left me feeling wanting. I have often felt uncomfortable because I cannot be included in a discussion about a horror movie because I haven't watched it because I felt it a waste of time and watched a documentary instead. I am biding my time, waiting to have a boyfriend, because I know that if I have one now he will be a distraction. But when girls start talking about the loves of their lives, I just get to sit quietly, often wishing I had someone to hold my hand like they do.

As my friendship with the girl mentioned above grew, I realized that I wasn't as strange as I thought. She had actually enjoyed our conversation, she just didn't know how to respond. No one really talks about things like that outside of school. I realized that I wasn't weird for wanting to talk about the classics, Mormons, economics. I just feared being labeled as strange. So many of us do. We worry incessantly about how people are going to respond to our idiosyncrasies. If we can become comfortable with ourselves enough to share it with those around us, we may wind up delightfully surprised to find that there are so many like us. Oh, by the way, this girl is now my best friend, and we talk about boys, clothes, makeup, war, Catholicism, and same-sex marriage, to mention a few. Interesting huh?